【免费泛听材料】Dr. Robert Quinn:How to Live a Purpose-Driven Life

That’s a profoundly important story. It’s a story of transformative learning. 

这是一个意义深重的故事。这是一个有关质变学习(transformative learning)的故事。

I once had a daughter. She was single. She was living in Washington. D.C. and she had reached that point in life where she said,”There’s not a good man left on the earth.” And she found one and she got really excited. The relationship grew, and then one day, our phone rang. She’s talking to her mother and I know what’s going on. This guy just dumped her. She’s all upset. This daughter is the firstborn child. Many first born children share a common characteristic. If they are miserable, they want you to be miserable too. 

我曾经有个女儿。她当时单身，住在华盛顿特区. 她到了人生的这个阶段，她认为说“这世上没有一个好男人。” 然后她找到了一个，她为此兴奋不已。关系也原来越好，然后有一天，我们电话响了。她跟妈妈打电话说，我也已经知道怎么回事了。这个男的抛弃了她。她很难过。我这个女儿是家里第一个孩子，很多家里的第一个出生的孩子都有个共同的特点，那就是如果他们过的不好，他们希望你过的也别好。

And she said I’m coming home this weekend. I thought, ”Oh, no. no”. Her mother hangs up and says “You’re the father. You go to the airport and pick her up.” So the next day I go pick her up. She gets in the car and she doesn’t say hello, how are you. She says “that no good dirty da-da-da-da-da”. Five minutes later she takes a breath and I said “Are you problem-solving or purpose-finding?” She didn’t even hear me. 

他说我这周末回家！我心里想“噢，别回来啊”。你是他爸爸，你明天去机场接她。所以第二天我去把她接回来了。她上车之后也不说你好也打招呼，她哒哒哒哒哒的说那个渣男说了5分钟。5分钟之后她喘口气的时候，我说你是在解决问题还是寻找人生目的？她都没听到我在说话。

So we go through that about four times. We’re finally pulling in the driveway.  She takes another breath and I say it again. She says “What are you talking about?!” And she said, “This is the real world.”  I said, “well, I think it applies to the real world.” By then we were in the house, I pull out a sheet of paper out of my file. And it says “Rober Quinn, life statement.”

我差不多问了4次，后来我们终于把车停到家里停车道上。她又穿了口气，我又说了一遍。她说，你在说什么啊？！然后她说，这是现实世界！我说，我认为这也能适用于现实世界。当我们进到屋内，我从文件夹里抽出一张纸，上面写着，罗伯特奎恩，人生宣言。

And then she grows kinda quiet. And she looks up and says “When you feel bad, you read this?” I said, “No, when I feel bad, I rewrite it. It’s been written hundreds of times. She said, “yeah, I can hardly understand some of this stuff.” I said, “yeah, it’s written to a customized audience, one person.“ Then the first miracle happened. She said “Do you think I could write one of these?” And I said “I’m sure you can”. She went into the bedroom and for a day and a half, she worked on her life statement. The miracle was, I did not have to suffer during that day and a half.  

然后她开始静下来了。然后她抬头看我说，你心情不好的时候，就会读这个吗？我说不是，我心情不好的时候，我重新写一遍。这已经被我写了几百遍了。她说，这玩意有的我看不懂啊。我说嗯，这是写给专属的读者的, 只有一个人。然后奇迹发生了，她说，我能写一份这个吗？你当然可以，然后她走进卧室，然后用了一天半的时间，她写了她自己的人生宣言。奇迹是，那一天半时间里，我再也不用受苦了。

She got on the plane, she flew home to D.C. A couple of days passed, I get an email, She said, “he called me.” Oh, this’ll be interesting, and she says “So, I wrote him this letter.  And I’m reading this letter that she’s attached. It’s incredibly vulnerable, open, honest. And I’m thinking, “Wow, this is impressive.”  And then at the bottom, it says “and my roommate says I can’t give it to him.”

她上飞机回了华盛顿。几天后我收到了一封电子邮件。她说她给我打电话了。这就有意思了，她说我给他写信了。然后我读了她写的附在附件里那封信。写的很真实脆弱，敞开心扉。我心想，这些的真好！信的尾部她说，她是有跟她说，这封信不能给那个男的看。

Now that’s an interesting thing. Why can’t we give this letter to this guy? You don’t tell some guy that dumped you. And then she said, “what my roommate don’t understand is that what he thinks doesn’t matter. Whoa, wait a minute. A few days ago, what he thought caused her life to shatter. Now, she’s saying what he thinks doesn’t matter. What is she saying? She’s saying, this is who I really am. Didn’t know this a while ago. Now I know it. It doesn’t matter what other people think. 

现在，事情有意思了。为啥不能把这封信给他呢？你不能把真实感受告诉一个给抛弃你的男人。然后她说“我是有不理解的是他怎么想不重要。”噢，等一下。几天前，这个男生的想法让他的生活几乎崩溃。现在她说，这个男生的想法并不重要。她到底说了些什么呢？她说这就是我真正的自己。之前还不太清楚，现在我知道了，别人怎么想的并不重要。

You see, when you clarify your purpose, you take back your external locus of control, where you worry about what other people think, and you take an internal locus. You don’t become insensitive. You don’t become rebellious. You become centered. You become powerful. Now, here’s the interesting thing in the sequel to that story, in the next few months, she began to be promoted. Her career turned. Why? This was a dating breakup. Why is her career taking off? Because when you find purpose and meaning in what you’re doing in one area of your life, it grows in every area of your life, cause you are one person. 

一旦你清楚自己人生的目的，你就收回了你外部的控制点, 你不会再担心别人的想法，然后你也会选择内在控制点。你并不会变的冷漠，你并不会变的抗拒。你变得沉稳。你变得很强大。这还有一个那件事情后续的有趣的事情，在接下来的几个时间里，她工作上获得提升了，她的职业生涯得到了转机。为什么会这样？这只是一个分手的事情啊。为什么她的事业会起飞呢？因为当你在人生的某个领域里找到了自己的目的和意义时，它也会在其他领域成长，因为你是一个个体。

That company had a woman coming in with the same dresses on, body looked the same, but it wasn’t the same employee. When someone has that meaning and that integrity, things start to change. You’ve been shaped by life. You’ve had bad experiences and good experiences and both the bad experiences and the good experiences are there to teach something about you. But when we suddenly find a contributive purpose, those resources come to the surface. We begin to change, in fact, we instantaneously begin to change when we embrace a purpose. 

那个公司走进来一个穿着同样衣服的人，身体也看起来和往常无异。但是她已经不是过去的那个雇员了。当人们找到了人生的意义，变得知行合一，一切都将变得不一样。生活塑造了今天的你。你有不好的经历，也有好的经历，这两种好与不好的经历都是来教你一些事情。当我们突然找到一个能够做出贡献的人生目标是，那些潜能和资源都会在你眼前。我们开始做出改变，实际上，当我们找到人生目标是，我们人生瞬间就已经变得不同。