【轻阅读，看世界】What moment in your life was so shocking that you didn’t even believe that it was happening?

铅笔英语，每晚睡前故事。

看世界人生百态，品人间真情冷暖。

多一种语言，多一个纬度，多一段故事。

The grey sky and rainy weather matched my mood perfectly. My then-husband had been quiet most of the evening and we were driving home. You know how your brain tells you “something’s wrong” but you can’t piece it together? That was how I felt. Something, somewhere was off.

“What’s wrong?” I ask.

“Nothing,” he replies.

The kids are in the backseat, also very quiet.

“We can talk later, okay?”

“If something is wrong, please tell me,” I say. Trying to be nice. To be helpful.

“How to say this…” he starts, very quietly. Not his normal speaking voice.

You know how when you ride a rollercoaster, there’s a portion of the ride, the very beginning, where you go up? It’s very noisy. The cars trudge along the tracks before getting to the apex of the ride and then momentum carries you through all the twists, turns, and loops? That’s how I felt. Like I was heading somewhere I didn’t want to be. But it was too late to get off the ride.

“I don’t love you anymore and I don’t think I have for a couple of years now.”

I think he kept on talking but I stopped listening after those words. I felt a physical pain deep inside my lower back that paralyzed me momentarily.

The rollercoaster is beginning its descent down the first turn and all you see is the ground below. Far, far below.

He went on, stating that it had been a gradual thing, his falling out of love with me. We were still young and had two small kids, one of whom would be starting kindergarten in the fall. Yes, we had stressful days, but who doesn’t? I thought that we were doing okay. We were both trying to provide a decent, middle class life for ourselves and our kids.

The rollercoaster is now going into its first turn and you shift in the car as gravity pulls on you. Another turn is coming up, and then you see a loop in the distance.

“Is there someone else?” I ask.

“Not really.”

“What does that even mean?” I am getting indignant.

The rollercoaster goes through another turn and continues on its path towards the loop.

“I had an opportunity, but I didn’t take it.”

I feel better. For a few moments, anyhow. I am still mystified as to how this is all happening to me. I’ve tried to the best of my ability to be a good wife and mother. I do not pretend to be Donna Reed or June Cleaver. I only know how to be Barbara.

The rollercoaster starts its way through the loop, and you feel your stomach drop.

We get home and I see that bags are packed and sitting on the bed. On our bed. He tells me that he is going to spend this weekend with his parents, to “figure some things out.”

The rollercoaster comes out of the loop and launches itself into more turns. You’re flung back and forth against the seat, but you hold on. The wind whips your hair in your face repeatedly.

He leaves after we put the kids to bed. I am very quiet for most of the night. For the first time in years, since I was a child, I sleep with the light on in my bedroom because I am afraid.

The rollercoaster is now slowing down, having exhausted its momentum, and you see the loading area coming into view. You’re grateful because you don’t think you can take another loop or turn.

That was the first night of the beginning of the end of my 10-year marriage. We divorced amicably. That night is forever etched into my mind.