【原声视界】Day 40 性格内向的人该如何结交新朋友？

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性格内向的人该如何结交新朋友？

How To Meet New People (Even If You're An Introvert)

【背景扩展】

性格内向的人可以如何做到在社交场合结交新朋友，或在公共场所中展现出他们的个人魅力。

When you do find yourself in a full on networking event (n.社交场所), you know, say it's a cocktail party or a happy hour, one of the most effective tips you can use is just to shift your mindset. So instead of the mindset of thinking what am I gonna say to these people? Instead go in there and think how can I make the people around me comfortable?

当你发现自己身处人很多的社交场所，比如鸡尾酒派对或者欢乐时光。其中一个最有效的诀窍就是转变你的心态。与其一直想我要跟他们说什么，不如勇敢的参与其中，并想我该怎样让周围的人感到自在。

00:22 如何结交新朋友（即使性格内向）

I think the biggest misconception about introverts is that they're antisocial. They're not antisocial. They're not misanthropic (adj.不愿与人交往的). They're differently social. Introverts in general prefer to invest their energies into a few close friendships. Sometimes people ask me, well, if you're an introvert how do you go about making new friends?

我觉得人们对性格内向的人最大的误解就是他们不爱交际。他们不是不爱社交，也不是不愿意与人往来，他们只是与人交往的方式不同。他们(内向的人)通常喜欢把精力放在少数亲密的友谊中。有时人们会问我，如果你很内向的话，你会怎么去结交新朋友？

And I think the answer really is more or less the same as it would be for an extrovert (n.性格外向者), which is we tend to make friends most easily with people who we feel some kind of connection with. You know, people who feel like a kindred spirit (n.志同道合的人) whether just in terms of what their world view (n.价值观) is or in terms of shared interests and shared passion.

我觉得性格内向者的答案，实际上与性格外向者的答案差不多。我们都更倾向于和那些我们有着某种联系的人交朋友，那些让你感到志同道合的人，无论是价值观方面，还是共同的兴趣爱好。

Don't put so much pressure on yourself to do the ones that you don't like. Instead, actively seek out the ones you do. If you think that you're too introverted and that's holding you back, you'll be so much more powerful once you really come to terms with who you are.

不要给自己太大的压力，去做你不喜欢做的事情。而是要积极的去寻找自己喜欢做的事。如果你觉得自己太内向，并且阻碍了你，当你真正接受了你自己后，你就会变得比以往更强大。

I see this again and again. There's a kind of paradox that the more peace people have with themselves, the more powerful they are in externally oriented roles like a job interview or negotiation or something like that.

这种情况我见过很多次。有一种悖论说，当人的内心越平静，在看重外在表现的场所，就会表现得越出色，比如求职面试，谈判，或者是其他类似的场合。

And if you need to get a sense of that peace, one way to do it is to look for role models (n.榜样) of people who you think have a personality style similar to yours, and who are doing the kinds of things that you want to do in the world.

如果你想要找到这种内心的平静，你可以试着去找一位和你有着相似个性风格的榜样，他(那个榜样)正在做着你向往做的事情。

I've gone through a real evolution when it comes to public speaking (n.公开演讲) because I used to be terrified of public speaking and I saw it as a terror (n.恐惧) so profound that there was no way to overcome it. But here's the thing, for those of you who feel this way whether it's about public speaking or any other kind of fear, the way to conquer (v.克服) it is you have to expose yourself to thing that you fear in very small manageable bite sized steps.

当说到公开演讲，我经历过一次真实的转变，因为我曾经非常害怕公开演讲，我甚至将它视为我一生也无法克服的恐惧。但重点是，当你有了这种想法，不管是公开演讲还是其他任何内心的恐惧，克服的方法就是你必须要面对你害怕的事情，哪怕是非常小的一步。

So you don't begin by giving a Ted Talk. You have to start really slowly so you might instead like sign up for Toastmasters, you know, sign up for your local chapter (n.地方分会) where you're gonna be in a setting of supportive people and it's safe and it doesn't matter how much you screw up. And little by little by little, the horror (n.令人恐惧的事物) will start to recede and you'll be able to bring your personality into the room with you.

因此你不能一开始就想要在Ted上面演讲。你要慢慢开始，你可以先报名参加国际演讲俱乐部， 从地方分会的活动开始，在那里你处于一个很多人愿意支持你，就算搞砸也没有关系的安全环境里。然后渐渐的克服恐惧，你就可以在公共场所展示你的个人魅力了。

Imagine that you're the host and imagine you go up to somebody. It is your job to make them feel good and that's gonna change completely your demeanor (n.行为举止) and your body language. And then if you couple that also with the idea of every single person has at least one, usually many more, fascinating things about them. 

想象你就是这项活动的发起人，并且以这种身份接近某人，你的工作就是要让他们感到自在，这种心态就会完全改变你的行为和肢体语言。要是你能更进一步地配合这样的想法，即每一个人身上至少有一个或者很多迷人的地方。

And my job is to tap into my natural curiosity and figure out what that fascinating thing is. That also is going to serve you really well. It can be very helpful to prepare a couple of topics that you might want to talk about or questions to ask, but really at the end of the day it's about a shift in mindset.

我的工作就是要发掘我天生的好奇心，弄清楚那些迷人的点是什么。这也会对你有好处。事先准备一些你可能要谈到的话题，或者说你想问的问题，这将会对你有好处，但总的来说，心态上的转变是最重要的。